The Drowning

Who was I before everyone else?

If I ever met my future self I’d like to ask her at what age I stop crying in my car

We talk about Capri Sun but what about Capri Daughter? Or Capri Dad? There’s a whole family of Capris out there with so many pockets and no one to hold. 

Alas

I don’t really want a boyfriend right now, and a hook-up seems 10 times worse, but I’ll admit after a 12 hour work day I wish I could come home to someone who would rub my feet. And we could put on Netflix…and they could tell me about how their mom called, and we could cuddle and I could tell them that I love them before I fall asleep and mean it that really calm and sleepy way, I think that would be nice.

Sometimes I’m worried that everyone’s just trying to sleep with me and I’m not actually talented or anything.

You Are Still The Most Beautiful Girl I Know


I don’t love you 

or else I would have made room 

for all your strange market places 

every exotic fruit that I can’t pronounce
 

I don’t love you 

I never bought the plane ticket 

I never learned rosetta stone portuguese

we fall asleep in different countries 

on whole other continents 

I did not take to the sea when I saw you in his arms

I just got up and walked to the grocery store

I watched every tree bow

I tasted your name in my mouth

strange and familiar

the side walk ached around my feet

I hear your voice in my sleep 

but I don’t love you 

I don’t love you 

I don’t love you

or else I would have bought a boat! 

and a map! 

I would have shown up on your doorstep

all haggard from the journey and wind blown 

I would have held you in my arms

and said something like

"I didn’t turn 23 last night,

I started beginning the minute you opened the door

everything before that is just white noise

and I don’t care if we throw the chairs

or argue over the phone

because to spend another day without you 

there’d be no point in it.

You are the house, you are the city, you are every building

you are ‘Home’ to me”


but that’s the thing

I didn’t.

I wrote you a poem

so I don’t love you 

after 5 years you are still the most beautiful girl that I know 

but I don’t love you 

I don’t,

I don’t, I don’t.

 

My friend took this photo at my birthday 2 days ago, and it is my favorite thing. 

My friend took this photo at my birthday 2 days ago, and it is my favorite thing.